Why I Won’t Get Married
The idea of getting married has been on my mind since I was a kid. The more I grow older the more I get convinced that I shall not get married. Not now, not in my future. The truth is that this has not always been like this. As a child, I cherished weddings, the love, and beauty that comes with it and I dreamt of meeting my prince charming someday and falling in love with them and living together as we grew older.
When I was a teenager, my parents divorced and I was old enough to have seen it coming. It took them many days and several years for them to finally accept that they were better off apart. I could notice the tension, disagreements, disappointments, and sad moments that their marriage brought to each one of them. For this reason, I was not surprised at the turn of events and when the day came, I was actually happy that each of them could pursue life on their own and possibly some happiness.
My dad moved out and we were left with my mum and younger brother. Every weekend we would spend time with our dad out in the woods hunting or watching local soccer games or at the movies. He would take us to the places we would love to visit and life continued normally. He was kind to us and we had a great relationship even if he did not physically live in our house. He was involved in each of our life’s milestones and that of my younger brother’s as well. This continued well into our adulthood and he has continued to be present in our lives since then.
My mum on the other hand continued staying with us. She would cook for us, do house chores with us, help us with our homework, and narrate old stories to us in our younger days. Being a loving mummy, she was always present when we were making life’s milestones and she was always bubbly especially after the divorce. We noticed the positive change that she had and we were forever grateful that she made this decision. We had a great relationship that continues to date.
After the divorce, my father remarried after 4 years and he involved us in his decision of seeking another life partner. We loved this decision and we were happy that he had found love again and they seemed happy together. His new partner was kind to us and she always sent dad to bring us homemade cookies during our outings together. They were sweet and we could tell that they were made by someone who cared and who loved us despite not being her biological children. She loved us because she loved my father and in extension, his children.
While this looks like a fairy-tale that would make anyone thinking about marriage, it took a turn for the worst. My mum also found love but she was not as lucky as my father was. She had a worse experience than the first one and this almost ruined her life and my brother’s.
After I completed my high school, I moved out of home and left to attend university in the neighboring city and left my younger brother under my mother’s custody. I could not see them as often as I would have loved to but we would communicate with them often. When I was in my second year of campus, my mother met a younger colleague who she fell in love with. Like any happy child, I supported her decision to find love again. I had seen how happy my dad had become since the divorce and I hoped and believed that the same would happen to my mum.
I was wrong as her lover turned her life upside down. He was manipulative, mean, obnoxious all combined together. Unfortunately, my mum was blinded by the love she had for me and her situation made her start detesting my younger brother who tried to defend her from the new lover. Since she was so smitten, she began changing who she was to impress her new lover. She believed that this would make things work and make him happy. After about a year into the relationship, she had changed so much and mostly for the worse. The once confident woman I knew had changed into someone with low self-esteem, gloomy and she no longer believed in herself.
When I tried to talk to her about the situation, she would hear none of it and she was determined to make things work. Her lover introduced her to abusing drugs and they could no longer hold on to their jobs. She found herself out of work several times and by this time It became a concern for several other people around her but she never listened to any of them. This situation brought me a lot of anger and hatred for love because I associated my mother’s suffering to love.
As I write, my mother has never recovered from the effects of being married by the wrong person and she suffers the repercussions seven years after she ended the toxic marriage. What she went through has scared her life to this date to the point that her whole life is now different and ruined. She is not the same person who brought us up and while we hope that she will recover fully, her toxic marriage ruined our lives.
While I believe that one can fall in love and live happily with their prince charming, I am not willing to take the risk of loving anyone unconditionally. I have come to believe that human beings are intrinsically selfish and they always look out for their own interests in anything that they do including falling in love. For this reason, I do not believe in romantic love and I shall never get married. I believe that I can pursue my happiness alone without involving a person in the name of love.